How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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