I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
