Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
