community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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