after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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