1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
