Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
