i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
