The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
