she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
