ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i was born a porn star she said
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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