I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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