You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
