the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
