she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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