ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
