South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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