i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
