haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
