i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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