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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
