theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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