Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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