Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
