you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize