There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
