he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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