I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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