Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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