My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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