I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
