he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
