I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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