At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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