Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
