the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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