Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
