Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
