He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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