He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
