im drinking this country out of the recession.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
