He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
