i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
