i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
