Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize