1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
