You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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