im about as happy as oj after his trial
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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