We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
