Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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