i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
