Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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