two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
