she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you made out with another girl for some wings
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize