arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize