I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
