U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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