Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
