Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
