So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
