so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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