I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
