Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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