I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
