He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
