he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
