She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
