I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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