Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm always down for nudity.
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