Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
