When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
