If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
