Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
