she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
