I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
