at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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