Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
