Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
