Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
