my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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