Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize