What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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