Barsexuality is the new black.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
