Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
