maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
