why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize