help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Screwed.edu
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Someone came in the potted fern
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
