What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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