He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
