This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
