You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
