i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
