dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
