i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize