I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
