Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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