Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
