I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
