Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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