who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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