dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
