my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
