Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
