just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
