i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
