I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
