you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
