i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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