shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
