the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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