11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
