If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
